Values = our belief system

Morals = ability to distinguish between right and wrong

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If you have kids, you will pass on your values whether you consciously teach them or not. Your children will begin to model your behavior at a relatively early age. If you are kind and patient, they will most likely be kind and patient. If you yell, scream and curse, they will most likely do the same. Our biggest challenge in life is to maintain our marriage and raise our kids. Many parents have not spent much time thinking about both of these commitments in a fast-paced and self-centered world.

Teaching our children the difference between right and wrong is much harder these days. The lines have been compromised in many instances and erased in some cases. Behaviors such as lying and cheating that used to be unacceptable to society are now accepted as long as we don’t get caught or it serves our purpose. We will have to commit time and energy if we want our children to have good core values. We also need to prepare our kids for the implications of doing the right thing. The world will put pressure on them to conform and will exclude them if they don’t conform.

Listen to the words and observe the behaviors of today’s kids. They are bright, confident and energetic, but they can also be downright mean and degrading to others. They push the boundaries and tell you what you want to hear or whatever is convenient. We need to help them with their values and teach them what behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable. Our responsibility is to be a parent, not a yes person, not their best friend all the time and certainly not one to turn our head the other way when rules and boundaries are violated. We should show and tell our children how much we love them and not be afraid to correct and discipline them. Teach them that means sharing . Talk to them about the meaning of LOVE.

We encourage you to develop a few guidelines, rules or boundaries like those below and display them in a prominent place where your kids can see them everyday!!! You and your children can do this together as a fun activity in a fun setting. After choosing the values you want to teach, cut them out and put them in a visible place. I prefer to tape them on the mirror in the bathroom because kids will usually see them in the morning and when they go to bed at night. I ask my kids to read them every morning and every night. You can also tape them to the refrigerator, put them above their bed, write them on their school notebook or put them on your computer screen saver. Looking at them and reading them everyday!!! will remind your children of the values they should be striving to achieve. I suggest five values, at the most, with words that your kids can relate to. You can change the values and use different words as your children grow older. I give my children their values list as a Christmas present.

This is a good start, but the key to raising good kids with good core values requires your involvement. You need to live the values that you expect from your kids, after all, our slogan is Live OUR Values Everyday!!!, meaning you and your children. You also should coach them and correct them when they step outside the rules and boundaries you have established. Talk to them about values and why it is important to have good core values. Tell them that their teachers and friends will remember them by how they act. Remind them frequently that,

means sharing

sharing means we

It’s an attitude and a focus for their lives.

You can also get books on the specific values topics to read to your kids and have them read as they grow older. Visit www.freespirit.com to find specific books on values and development. Monitor and limit television. A lot of the shows promote the me, me, me and do-whatever-makes-you-happy view of the world. Watch them play and interact with their friends. Teach your kids they have the power to choose their friends, and their friends should share the same values they have. Use the unhealthy behavior of friends and playmates to coach your children on how they should behave. Have family fun nights and date nights with your kids. Play with them, and take them to the park. Enjoy them, and share our slogan with them.

We encourage you to start with the basics—no lying, stealing and cheating. These are probably the most violated rules today. In its 2008 Report Card, the Josephson Institute polled 30,000 youth and found 80% of students lied about something significant to their parents, 38% cheated on tests two or more times and 30% stole something from a store in the last year. These are disturbing trends. I cannot count the times that I have told my kids that “we do not lie in this house” and “we tell the truth all the time.” If you do not call them on these behaviors when they are small, the lies will get bigger, and lying will become the norm because it is convenient and accepted. Think of the future problems you may eliminate for your children by drawing the line when you see this unbecoming behavior.

Another good slogan is the Golden Rule: “treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” Encourage your kids to think about every word and every action before they speak or act. This will save them, and you, many moments that they would like to relive or do-over. Finally, praise them and reward them for good behavior and living the values you have instilled in them. Look for these opportunities and watch for positive behaviors as they interact with playmates and friends. You will be personally rewarded during the course of your life by teaching good values to your children and equipping them with rules and boundaries.

Think about your children’s behavior as it relates to our slogan. Ask them if a behavior promotes LOVE in the world or if it is destructive to themselves or others? This is a very simple test to administer when talking to your children, and it provides good coaching opportunities as well. It will also serve as a good differentiator for right and wrong which they can use throughout life. Seeing and thinking about our slogan will help your children emphasize good behaviors and minimize bad habits.

Remind them that means sharing
means sharing
sharing means we

One of the sayings I have had taped to my desk for many years is a quote by the philosopher Aristotle:

Isn’t that true with almost everything in life? Aren’t lying, stealing, cheating and cursing just bad habits that we get into? Let’s substitute these words for excellence:

We are what we repeatedly do. Lying, therefore, is not an act, but a bad choice.
We are what we repeatedly do. Cursing, therefore, is not an act, but a bad choice.
We are what we repeatedly do. Hanging around kids who drink, do drugs, get into trouble or belong to gangs will result in your kids doing the same.

You get the picture. We need to monitor our kids’ behavior, be familiar with their friends and make sure they do not get into bad habits. Now let’s put our real values in the sentence, the values we desire our children to live.

We are what we repeatedly do. Truth, therefore, is not an act, but a free choice and a way of life.
We are what we repeatedly do. Respect, therefore, is not an act, but a free choice and a way of life.
We are what we repeatedly do. Having a positive attitude, therefore, is not an act, but a free choice and a way of life.

Regardless of the words substituted for excellence, the first sentence of the quote applies to all of us. “We are what we repeatedly do.” Everyone is a product of their environment. We must provide the right environment…loving, caring, nurturing, encouraging, modeling, coaching, mentoring, disciplining.

In summary, raising children with good core values is a big commitment, must be taken seriously and requires that time be set aside for monitoring, teaching and coaching in order to work effectively. Below is a sample of five values that most parents and schools would start with, but feel free to come up with your own list based on your unique circumstances. Use this as a project to do with your kids so they will have ownership of them. We sincerely hope this will assist you in raising your children, preparing them to have good core values and living their values everyday!!!

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This is our suggestion for the five values that most schools would approve.

You can tape them to the mirror, have your kids review them everyday!!! and use them for coaching.

Give my Best all the time
Listen to my parents and teachers
Show Respect to myself and others
Take Responsibility for my actions
Share

Here are some other suggestions to think about.
Behaving like a prince or princess
being a Good person
telling the Truth
having a Positive attitude
acquiring Knowledge
using my Imagination
Learning something
developing my Skills
striving for Excellence
saying my Prayers

To assist you in discovering, defining and living values for your kids, we have developed the Template which is presented below. We sincerely hope that it will be of assistance to you in raising your family.

Template

1. Take some quiet time with each of your kids.

2. Talk to them about values, why they are important and what the
   project means.

3. Working together, agree on four or five values.

4. Print out these values in the frame we have provided or make a frame.

5. Tape the list in a visible location, preferably the bathroom mirror or refrigerator

6. Remind your child to read them everyday!!!

7. Remind them that
   means sharing

8. Memorize the values, and use them as teaching and coaching tool to praise good behavior and correct mistakes.

9. Team up with a mentor, friend or small group for support and accountability.

10. Enjoy the time you have with them. They are your pride, joy and legacy.